I am tired of improving myself. I just cant improve. I am lazy, selfish, self indulgent and generally full of myself. I am NOT nice. I also get angry about narrow mindedness. I wish I had been born in a more liberal society, I’d definitely have been able to have purple hair at 16, something I had to defer until much later in life at 29. I dont believe in following any social rule. I have made more mistakes in my life than most people. I also fight and get jealous and upset. I’ve tried being a better person, but its not possible. I hate taking selfies that show my good side or posting pictures about my great life on Facebook. I feel isolated and lonely. Your meditation blog and recordings made me wonder if I can talk to you about how I feel. Saima ji, what do I do?– Love Katie
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Dear Katie
Thank you for such a wonderful letter. A great psychologist called Adler said that the person who no longer needs to feel superior or better than other people has crossed a stage in personal development. That is a long winded way of saying, “YOU CAN BE HAPPY ON YOUR OWN TERMS” without needing to satisfy the expectations of authority figures and that you can live meeting your own standards. It means that you are ready for real love and real friends who accept you for who you are. Being a better person, contrary to what you see on facebook, is not about taking cool pictures of yourself. Being a better person is being able to choose your response to life. So for example, you said, ‘I hate taking selfies that show my good side.’ Well, why not post selfies that show you as you are? I am sure that there are people who may like not having to be so perfect. Many people put on an act because they think they need it, so if you dare to be you, it can help everybody relax and stop judging so much.
Much love to you, Saima.
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Dear Saima ji
Thank you, thank you!. I did exactly as you suggested. I put a picture of myself with my purple hair, eating creamy yogourt. I got 40 likes on facebook. People asked me where I got my hair done. Then I showed my hair dye brand. I also made a youtube video. I was so happy because I got thumbs up on it.
I am sad because my ex boyfriend posted a comment picture with his new blonde girlfriend. We broke up because I said I will not dye my hair blonde to please him.
Saima ji, I practiced your heart healing meditation, but it didn’t work. My heart feels sad and sore.
Please suggest something that heals my broken heart.
Broken Heart Katie
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Dear Broken Heart Katie,
Have you noticed how everything in life changes? The leaves change from green, to dark green to yellow then red, then brown and fall. Your feelings of sadness will also change. I am sure there are people who love purple hair and you.
If you really wanted or liked your ex-boyfriend, you would have wanted to dye your hair blonde and conversely, if he truly liked you, he would like all aspects of you, purple hair included. Sometimes being true to yourself means giving up things that are not in alignment with who you are. It sounds like the ex boyfriend was not in alignment with you.
I suggest that you go for long walks in nature to heal your heart. Say hi to a new person this week and once you strike up a conversation, ask if they like to walk and if they do, suggest going on a walk after work—a group of 3-4 people would be best. Your homework is to go for 10 hour long walks before you write to me again. Make sure you are safe. Take a small torch, water, a charged cell phone, snack and a whistle with you. Remember to meditate every day ?
Much love, Saima
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Dear Saima Ji!
I did what you suggested and I feel absolutely okay now. I cant believe that I could care what my ex-boyfriend thought about my hair. He had awful hair and bad teeth.
Saima ji, I made a new friend and I think I met someone I like. My new friend is really funny and she lives with her mother two streets down! Imagine! All this time she was there, and I didn’t know.
I bumped into her going into a mall, and we joked. Then I said to her, I am trying to make walking my new hobby and making a group, here is my number, I live around champlain heights, here is my cell phone. Whatsapp me if you want to join.
Guess what she called right away and we have been on 11 walks already!.
Some walks back I met a guy who was walking his dog—actually his dog was so big, she was walking him and we became friends, because the dog broke away because she saw another dog and I helped him get her back.
He took my number and asked me to go on a date with him. I cant believe it. I think its my first ever date, my ex boyfriend didn’t count because he didn’t ever take me out on a real date. I dont think he ever thought I was good enough.
I am so excited. Do you think I should dye my hair a bit blonder?
Please answer quickly,
Katie
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Hi Katie,
Thanks for sharing your happy news. If you take a leaf out of mindfulness and approach dating as being another experience in your life, it can help you relax. Enjoy the dating experience without thinking too much about what could go wrong—instead focus on being in the moment. He could disappoint or amaze you – or you could have many other reactions to him. Instead of focusing on what he does or says or feels, notice how you feel. You could read more about how to make it a mindfulness exercise, so that way you don’t get very affected by what he says or does and what it could mean about you.
Good luck
Saima
PS: Remember to meditate
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Dear Saima Ji
It has been a long time since I wrote. I have so much to say, but most of all I want to say I am happy. ? I have a two year old daughter. I met and married a wonderful man and I think I know what love means. It was so different from what I thought it meant. Other people are who they are, and love means accepting them, not trying to change them. I can be more loving because I accept myself more than I used to. Love is kinder, simpler and less stressful than what I was making it into. Maybe other people wouldn’t be happy with my life, but I am, and that’s all that matters.
Much love
Katie
The end.
Note: Katie is a fictional character
