Losing someone or something you love is a painful experience. People can suffer greatly in love relationships that don’t go well and from loss of love. The pain could come from never marrying their sweetheart. The pain could be from betrayal of trust. The pain could be from loving someone who isn’t emotionally stable enough to be there for you every day. The hurt could be from loving people who are already in relationships. It could be loving a family who isn’t able to give you the attention that you crave. Loved ones can give us a unique sorrow. Is this suffering due to unmet expectations, a problem with love, the loved one or a problem of the mind?, is it because we become too attached? when we ‘lose’ in love, is it because of our ignorance? and if so, how can we fix it?
People betray or disappoint for all kinds of reasons. Mostly those reasons have more to do with themselves rather than you. It really isn’t about you. So one of the most spiritual tenets ever spoken is, ‘never, ever take anything personally.’ Despite this, if you aren’t sure if you ever had a chance to really see and hear the other person, you’d know that it usually isn’t about you. If you still want to, you can spend much time torturing yourself, missing them and generally feeling awful. All those negative reactions are based on an illusion–in fact these reactions come from attachment to the idea of a false ‘self’ that makes us very vulnerable to what others think or feel. That’s ok, we are all together in our ignorance and pain body (what Eckhart Tolle calls ignorance) — it only puts a break on our unlimited and infinite potential. Yet, practicing right thinking helps us loosen the hold of the pain body on our spirit and we free ourselves from pain and suffering.
Sorrow comes from needing the situation to be different than what it is. It, therefore stems from a mental illusion about life and thus right knowledge clears all sorrow.
Relationship problems are quite a common reason why people seek spiritual support. There can be so many reasons why someone wakes up and searches for truth, but often loss of love is one of the major reasons that people turn to something that strengthens and heals the heart.
The heart has a different logic than the mind. People fall in love with the person who can give them the suffering that they need to develop character. I tested this out–I ask friends ok, so what about falling for that nice girl from your own community that your parents like? Or I’ll ask what about loving the woman who proposed to you last year, whom you also find attractive?. Or I’ll ask what about so and so–someone they can trust for example, who’d never lie. The reactions I’ve received have been illuminating and confirms the great metaphysical writers. I’ll get a smile if they think I am being funny and then an expression of relief spreads through the face. For the first time there is hope that they aren’t destined to be miserable their whole life, in love with someone who can never be theirs or who is hugely disappointing.
Love is not about togetherness but more about separation. Deep down we know that the reason we fall in love with the person who gives us the most pain, is to experience the pain of separation. In this psycho-spiritual process, we discover that the person we yearned for was a part of ourselves and we integrate with those aspects of ourselves that weren’t obvious to us before.
You know that pretty girl you love? or that cute younger guy? the heartache from the person who didn’t marry you? maybe you couldn’t ever get over it. Consider, what if, it isn’t them you love, but the feelings that they stir in you?. Really loving someone is a two way street, and it is a spiritual effort — it is about forgiveness, humility, kindness, communication, consistency and sacrifice. It is character building, hard work like a job.
I can just hear my dear friends telling me, ‘haven’t you ever been in love?’ don’t you know about that magic?, of course it is real!’
I have actually been in love, I know how it feels. I do know about the magic. But the magic isn’t real. It isn’t that you don’t love. Who you think is outside you is actually a part of you. It is the deepest and most divine part of You. The person who stirs this love is not who you imagine them to be. Thus when reality strikes, it can be devastating to your sense of self. But it doesn’t have to be.
Metaphysically speaking, why do we experience love, then the loss or disappointment from it?
There’s a part of us that wants to resolve certain questions. It is like math homework, except it is metaphysical homework. Unconsciously we want to know something about ourselves…for example it could be…’how strong am I?’…’will I be ok, if my parents abandon me, if my husband cheats on me, if my children leave me? am I loveable?’ matter collects in a pattern that shows where the energy is and creates an experience in the external world that then educates you about who you are.
Do you have a burning, metaphysical or spiritual question? drop me a line at ssaima@gmail.com and I will address the question through this blog.
